Introducing Splash Dad!
Posted on 25th May 2015
I’m going to be honest with you – this blog is based on a lie. My real name isn’t Splash Dad. The vicar did not let me slip into the font just as he was naming me. Furthermore, my wife isn’t really called Splash Mum. She was not conceived on the log flume at Alton Towers.
To the best of my knowledge, anyway.
So we’ve cleared that up.
The truth is I’m an ordinary guy with a five-year-old daughter, Splash Daughter, and another of indeterminate sex on the way and I’m trying to hold down a techy nine-to-five while being the best possible dad to my brood.
In the interests of full disclosure (notwithstanding the opening sentence) my wife is part of the Splash About team working at Splash Towers doing Splash stuff, and she loves her job. I must admit I’m a complete convert to Splash About’s products, and wish I’d had them when I was a kid who had to endure fruitless militaristic swimming lessons at school. I’m pretty sure I’d have been able to teach myself to swim, and I’ve seen my budding Ariel come on leaps and bounds since she started using them.
So why am I writing here?
I was asked by a clandestine representative of Splash About’s web team to write this blog so that I could talk about the tribulations of teaching Splash Daughter to swim. This surprised me at first. I’ll admit it has been a bit of a struggle, but nowhere near as stressful as teaching her to ride a bike without stabilisers.
And anyway, I thought I’d exhaust my water-based stories pretty soon.
“Who said it’s just about swimming?” came the reply. “You can write it about anything. It’s just about being a dad bringing up a kid. Swimming will be just a part of it.” Suddenly a rush of memories flooded through my brain. And every week another gigabyte of new ones are being added. It would be nice to have a record of them; I’ve never been one to give Samuel Pepys a run for his money. And hopefully readers will come back with their own thoughts too.
“OK,” I said. “I’ll do it.” All I wanted was the cloak of anonymity to prevent the emotional distress of friends and loved ones picturing me in my budgie smugglers.
So now I’m the proud owner of a dual identity. I am Splash Dad, MASTER OF ALL I SURVEY (unless I happen to be surveying a daughter half my height and a fraction of my age). I hope you enjoy the journey.